发胖的生活

自此方国楚与程书静结为夫妇,方国楚依然喜欢睡觉,书静依旧早上起来工作。有时候他们作爱,有时候不。书静本来就不好话,现今更无话可说。一个月下来,方国楚觉得光景无聊,竟渐渐发起胖来。真的,博士学位拿过了,教职谋到手,三年拼命做研究的试用期也过了。现在……连婚也结了,方国楚更是是百无聊赖,唯一可做的便是发胖,下课的时候喝一瓶大啤酒。

聂隐娘

昨天天气炎热,早点收了工,看了聂隐娘。

这个电影适合做饭的时候看,低头切完葱姜蒜,抬头还是上一个画面。把材料下锅,加上汝从中国超市买的豆瓣酱,汝二舅钟爱的猪肚豆芽,出锅。继续看好像还挺连贯。等电影完,发出一句观后感:这就完了?

唉!

i want five hours with you

in a train running south

maybe ten hours

in a greyhound bound for the border

the two seats side-by-side that become a home

an island of light in the continental dark

the time that takes the place of a lifetime

i promise i won’t fall asleep when the lights go down

i will not be lulled

promise you won’t jump the train

vanish into the bus depot at three a.m.

that you won’t defect

that we’ll travel

like two snails

our four horns erect

四月

人到中年,忙的连发呆的时间都没有。

连结婚都是仓促的事。有一晚说起要结婚,接下来的一周买戒指,买衣服,申请登记,去法庭。一觉醒来就成了已婚人士,然后登上飞机离开了芝加哥。

回到圣地亚哥之后教两门课。本以为去年教过,今年不用费心。结果还是有点责任心,觉得要更新论文和slides,时间又哗哗哗流过。又忙着帮D君申请H-4,自己申请瑞典签证日本签证等等等等。连每天的报纸都没有心情去看了 — 倒是怀念起在芝加哥的时候,每天需要三个钟头在火车上,早上看报纸,晚上看点闲书。

转眼四月就要过去了呢。

On the bus from Calgary to Banff,there are three passengers, a Chinese (me) and two Japanese. The bus driver is listening to an opera. I have no idea what it is. To the world in which I grew up, opera is as foreign as cheese. The two Japanese are chatting enthusiastically. I can only understand “Hai” (ye) — why do they keep agreeing with each other? I am reading a book by John Landers, a British historian writing about population and wars in the pre-industrial west.

At some moment, I feel lost, in space and time. In the meantime, I have a strange feeling of being at home. During the past thirty years of my life, I always feel being an outsider. Being adopted, I was an outsider to the family; moving from a village to Beijing, I was an outsider to the city; moving to Stockholm, I was an outsider to Europe; getting a PhD in Europe and a job in the US, I was an outsider to the US academia. But now I am more relaxed about this, and prouder of this.